The End of the Tunnel

In 22 months I have had over 7 surgeries, have spent over 200 days in the hospital and have been to over 100 doctors appointments. And hopefully on April 23 I will have my last surgery for a long while. I feel like I am just feet away from the end of a very long tunnel I have been in. I know there will be other challenges ahead, but nothing can compare to the last 22 months.

I went in for a hip aspiration today. Basically, the doctor sticks a very long needle (after numbing of course) into the joint of your hip and pulls out fluid. The fluid is then sent to the lab and tested for infection. The hip on your “average joe” should not have fluid. Because of this fungal infection in my hip, there has been fluid. But today? Today he could barely even get one drop. Even when he injected fluid into my hip to then remove it right away, my hip sucked up all the fluid and he could not get any back. He said this was a really good sign…hips shouldn’t have fluid and mine no longer seems to. Which means the spacer has worked. I have put all of my trust in my doctors and they have continually come up with plans that work.

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A quote I found on @shinetext Instagram…thought it was perfect!

Not seeing any fluid come from my joint gave me SO much joy today and A LOT of hope. Hope that after my replacement in 9 days (Monday, April 23) I will be able to get to the top of the mountain that I have dreamed of since my transplant.

There are three things that have gotten me to where I am today…my donor, choosing joy, and dreaming.

I want to honor my donor, Samantha, and the gift she left behind for me. I know that these are my lungs now, but I will never forget who they came from. I feel like it is my duty to LIVE to honor her.

I also try to keep a positive mind and choose joy. Of course, there have been many times since my transplant where I’ve felt sad. But I pick myself back up and I just keep swimming. I find things that bring me joy and I do a lot of it…art, hanging out with my friends, shoes, shopping, food.

And lastly I have dreamed a lot…And I’m not talking the dreams you have in your sleep. Day dreams where you picture yourself places, picture yourself accomplishing things. I had a lot of times of uncertainty, but at the end of the day…I never stopped dreaming of what I could accomplish with my new lungs, my new hip and my second lease on life.

Today my doctor said, “I am in awe of you, Jackie.” And I couldn’t help but think, “I am in awe of myself for getting to this point.” This summer I am traveling to Colorado, Alaska & California. This summer I am going to do a lot of living and some of those dreams I’ve had, they are going to come true.

Until next time,

Jackie

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